Random thoughts on most things from A. M. Craig.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I guess I'm not a pet person. But if I was, I'd highly consider my options. For instance, instead of a chimpanzee, I'd think about getting a sloth. Less risky, it turns out.


R said...

If sloths are good and essential, they are also incomplete. Since this site encourages entrepreneurial venture, I would make them complete by starting my own sloth enterprise. Just as Florida is well-known for being the state where the elderly/cripples go, I could establish my own retreat for the gothically-depressed/emotional cripples in Seattle, whereupon the pets would be sloths as they are commiserating creatures with the same penchant for being unconscious (19 hours of sleep a day) as the depressed. Instead of giving the sloths sweaters like some over-zealous pet owners do, the depressed could dress their sloths in grungy flannel...and maybe hemp bracelets. Finally, for recreation therapy they could form their own grunge band -- a sloth would have to be the frontman, however, because they tend to have wicked command stances.

Austin said...

Your comment reminds me of this:

anna. said...

not going to lie. i was sorely disappointed when that stupid chimp was a top story on cnn for a few days last week.

talk about a slow news day.

R said...

"Nothing is wrong with anthropomorphizing animals" she said as she raised her Diet Dew and cheered "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones", meanwhile wondering if her collection of Beanie Babies from age twelve were still residing in her closet at home in their hermetically-sealed packaging.

I don't think I'd put lemurs in my treatment center for depression; they seem more addled by Adderall than gothically-depressed. However, if indeed lemurs were included in my treatment center, they would be excluded from watching that Japanese anime stuff so as to prevent seizures. I'd put them on a steady diet of predicate logic and sawdust. And if they're good, they can have a play-date with the sloths where they discuss which group has the largest premature fatality rate: ectomorphs or mesomorphs. In my opinion, sloths may have the short end of the stick.