Random thoughts on most things from A. M. Craig.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hard Lessons

You're going to think less of me after reading this post. You should.

I'll be honest. This semester has pretty much...well...I'll understate it and just say it hasn't been much fun. I usually get feeling behind about halfway through the semester. This time I started feeling that way the second week. And school is really only part of it, though I am fairly confident I'm just going to do very badly in some of my classes, no getting around it at this point.

And I never have time to go to work.

But the rest of the lousyness is people. I like most of my roommates, most of the time. Some of them I'll be friends with for life. But not all of them. One of them is just a fat slob, no other words for it. And another roommate is certifiably the most creepy person I've ever met. Honestly. And I feel like usually the better you get to know somebody, the more human they become. Not the case here. The more I get to know him, the less I like him, the less I understand him. He doesn't like light (like physical light in a room). He sneaks up on you. He is constantly rude, but only subtly so. He has a morbid sense of humor, all of his jokes involve death or mutilation, and they are poorly delivered. He is 27 and about as ambitionless and pathetic a person as I can imagine. One of our other roommates described him most succinctly when he called him "Smeagol-y". Truer words were never spoken. And theres this pretty girl who comes over here, and likes him. Ya, like in a romantic sense. I know, theres no accounting for taste. And he doesn't just up and marry her (somebody should really clue him in that he is never...NEVER going to do better). I can...not...wait to NOT live under the same roof as him. People don't like to come over here because of him. He is always insulting. The only time I've ever Not Disliked him (note the double negative) is when he isn't talking, and thats not often. No matter what the subject is, he's an expert. And if he overhears you in the next room (ya, you better believe he's listening to you through the walls) he'll sneak in and mumble "Did I hear....something about...Nietzsche...in here?"

LISTEN, CHRIS, YOU ARE THE CREEPIEST, MOST SELFISH, REPULSIVE FREAK I'VE EVER MET! EITHER COME INTO THE ROOM AND JOIN THE CONVERSATION, OR GO BACK TO YOUR DANK INFESTED HOVEL!

And my other roommate. I don't get him either. He will freak out every couple weeks about clutter in the front room, really bad. Like he just gets stressed/mad/sad all of the sudden, while the rest of the time he is just as much a contributor to the mild clutter. However, he is a Prime contributor to the Extreme mess that perpetually grows in the kitchen. And I can honestly, with no qualms, whatsoever, say that none of that is mine. First of all, it makes me a little sick to the stomach to eat anything that came out of that kitchen. And Second, if I ever use anything out of that kitchen, I clean it before AND after I use it. Thats because some people don't seem to believe in basic sanitation habits, i.e. soap, light, cleaning up after spilling sauce, cheese, crumbs, noodles, etc., rinsing dishes after use, instead of piling them up in the kitchen for literally weeks, collecting actual mold. I, at this moment, can't think of anybody in the house who really cleans up after themselves in the kitchen, in a timely manner, a majority of the time (besides me).

But I digress. This roommate, he gets mad, or more exactly, he gets whiney. He whines all the time, but it just gets incessant when he get upset.

But I don't say anything about it. It doesn't affect me, just let it slide.

Oh, and he won't buy a computer, but will sink money into his car or a guitar or whatever else. He'll just use his roommates computers. Well, thats fine, I've got one, I don't use it all the time, he can use my computer.
-Note: I've since realized that he will ask me to use my computer while I am clearly on it doing something. Sarcastic thought>"No dude, thats cool, I'm sure whatever you needed to do on my computer is more important than what I had."

I let him use my guitar for half the semester for a guitar class he signed up for (having a guitar is required for the class). Thats fine, I don't play mine really, and thats a great class, everybody should take Larry Greens guitar class. So I let him borrow it.

But this roommate, he recently got sick, and I very quickly noticed that he wouldn't...EVER...cover his mouth when he coughed. Don't they teach that to kids from like kindergarten to sophomore year of college? And then they stop bringing it up 'cause they expect you to have it ingrained in you whole being? That if both your arms were amputated clean off, you would raise the nubs up just a little when you went to cough, out of sheer habit? EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, IT PREVENTS THE SPREADING OF DISEASE, WELCOME TO THE ENLIGHTENED FIRST WORLD!

But this kid didn't. Doesn't for that matter, because I brought it up to him, and he just shrugged it off. I brought it up again, and he said he had some chronic pneumonia, that there was fluid in his lungs and there was no way for him to spread this to anybody else. I guess I should trust him, hes going to med-school in three months.

But hey, guess what? Pneumonia is an infection, and I've had a cough for the past week that sounds A WHOLE LOT LIKE HIS! One day when it was really bad and I couldn't stop hacking (burying my mouth in the crook of my elbow every time) I said "This is your fault you know. I caught this from you." He denied all allegations and wouldn't even lend any legitimacy to my claims. The whole thing was comical to him.

So I asked him to please cover his mouth when he coughed. And I asked him to make sure to please clean his dishes when hes done with his meals. I find these things to be common sense. Or at least they should be.

Today he was at my computer eating a brownie. I'll let it slide, even though he'll probably get brownie in the keyboard. Its not a big deal.

However, when he licked his fingers, and then proceeded with his business on my computer THAT was a big deal.

I usually have hand sanitizer at my computer. Not that anybody else uses it, but it makes me feel better regardless. But it wasn't there. Somebody had used it, turns out, and it was on the other side of the room. I quickly grabbed and and put it down next to the keyboard.

"Could you please use some hand sanitizer if you're going to lick you fingers while using my computer?"

Then he did that thing he does. He got all pouty, like a 7 year old girl who doesn't get her way. He got up and whimpered off to his room, like I had been some playground bully. Maybe I should feel bad. Maybe I should go apologize.

BUT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT PATIENT. AND FORGIVING. AND THAT HE WOULD GET OFFENDED, NAY, HURT, THAT I WOULD ASK HIM TO NOT SLOP HIS BROWNIE-SALIVA FINGERS ON MY COMPUTER, THAT HE WOULD ACT HARMED AT THAT INFURIATES ME.

THAT MAKES ME THAT BAD GUY. THAT MEANS I'M THE JERK. I'VE DONE EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO BE NICE, AND WHEN NONE OF THAT WORKS, I KINDA LOSE MY WILL TO TRY. IT WOULD BE A HECK OF A LOT EASIER TO GO WITH THE MEAN-SON-OF-A-GUN BIT AND JUST BE THAT JERK.

I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR HIM. I WANT TO KICK HIM IN THE GUT TILL HE STOPS CRYING. CRYING. I WANT TO SCREAM IN HIS FACE AND TELL HIM TO BE A FREAKIN' ADULT MAN. I ASKED HIM TO DO A COUPLE SIMPLE THINGS, I ASKED HIM TO SHOW SOME COURTESY, AND HE IS HURT, AND I'M AN ASS.


The hard lesson here is that he is hurt, and I am an ass. I need to go apologize, not because I'm wrong, but because thats what would help the situation the most. Thats what would make things right. Not everything, mind you. I'm sure he'll continue to spread disease like a terrorist with a micro-bio degree. I'm sure he'll continue to foster his mold farm in our kitchen sink. But at least we'll be able to sit in the same dirty room together.

P.S. It doesn't make it any easier to apologize when the person your apologizing to starts lecturing you on what you've been doing wrong before you're done apologizing.

12 comments:

Asmond said...

I understand...and wish I could help with the whole kitchen stuff...ewwww. Best of luck. The post was funny...and kinda scary about your roomies.

Nancy said...

Aus, did you ever think that your roommates might read what you've written? Maybe you ought to look into anger management. But your kitchen sounds disgusting, maybe it's time for a new roommate? Maybe a girl this time, they are much cleaner!

Austin said...

Agreed, wholeheartedly (on the girl thing) and I'm working on it. I took a girl out a couple weeks ago who is the three time Wyoming state Etch-a-sketch champion!

Austin said...

And the guys mentioned here are never going to read this. We aren't on good enough terms for them to know what I like to do in my spare time, like write in a blog. Nor are we close enough for them to care what I write in said blog.

STeve said...

This reminded me of some of the letters you used to send from the mission, about your companions. Ditto to Nancy's comments.

So you said you haven't had time to go to work this semester; does taht mean you haven't done any more stories?

Emily said...

I think the Etch-a-Sketch champion ought to be going out with the yo-yo phenom. It's a "greatest good" kind of thing. Think of the talent pool for their children!

Austin said...

Ya, I haven't produced any more stories, but I'm almost done with the one I'm working on. And the next one will be MUCH more quickly finished.

Mandy said...

Everyone always says a bunch of girls living together is a bad things. I think the same can be said for a bunch of boys. You prove my point. And I bet Erich can sympathize with you. I am pretty sure some of those guys might have lived at the Manhole! Sorry though.

Natter said...

Alright Austin. I'm going to say something that's going to make you jump through the computer screen (because it's not like we see each other in real life anymore) and strangle me. You just need to get married. When you've reached this point of absolute roommate loathing, it's time for you to just have one roommate (aka your eternal companion.) Then there's only one other person making a mess. And you share way more germs than saliva fingers so you don't have to worry too much about that. Plus let's all be honest, roommates are gross. Well, at least yours are. Mine were all pretty dainty and cute. So anyway, my conclusion is you need to get married. And fast. Before you kill off one of your roommates. I know there's a BYU rumor that if your roommate dies, you get straight A's for the semester. But I don't think it counts if your roommate died because you smothered him with a pillow in his sleep.

Austin said...

I KNOW! I've been saying that for a long while now. Honest, ask my (filthy) roommates. Believe you me, I've been working on it. Fruitlessly. Honestly, I think I must be less fun than I used to be, or less good looking, SOMETHING. That ol' Austin Craig Charm hasn't seen the light of day in a long time, and I'm having a hard time finding it.

metamorphose said...

Getting married is not the solution. It is possible to find other roommates -and/or to eventually get a place of your own. I know it's kind of a joke, but getting married to get away from roommates is a dumb idea.

(I only say this, since my mom would tell me that when I would complain about my roommates. *rolls eyes*)

I now blessedly live in my own apartment. Alone. It is fantastic. But I certainly paid my dues -I had nearly 40 roommates over the years.

YOU DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE. My advice would be stop sharing your stuff. Just stop altogether. And when you have new roommates, let them know it's a rule that they can't touch your stuff. It's nothing personal, it's just YOUR property, and you HAVE THE RIGHT not to share. It's not kindergarten anymore -you do not have share anything with anyone.

When I started putting that rule down, I don't know if my roommates thought I was a bitty or not, but they understood that just because I lived with them, did not give them the right to my stuff. It's ludicrous to think that, if you ask me.

So your whiny roommate -I wouldn't apologize, I would just let him know he lost his computer privileges with you. If he acts a child, that's what he's gonna get. Password protect your computer so it's not an option for him to use it while your away.

Besides, who knows how much porn he could be looking at while you're away.

Sorry, I'm being a comment whore. But after my plethora of roommates, I decided that I wasn't going to be friends with everyone, and it was best to keep to myself.

Austin said...

After 40 roommates, I think you can consider yourself an expert of sorts. Comment away.