The semester has been going now for two and a half days. I've never wanted to drop out of college more. I hate being here.
People say I'll miss this place when I'm gone. Rest assured, I will not. I will miss some people. I will not miss school. I'll leave and never turn back.
You might think I'm exaggerating, that I don't really mean this. I do mean it. I mean every word.
Please don't get me wrong. I like my classmates (some more than others) and I really like several teachers. There are even a few who have shown some small interest in teaching me.
But at my most fundamental depth, I hold in high and deserved contempt virtually any form of bureaucracy, institutional red tape, regulation, policy, paperwork, need for signature, homework, grades, standardized tests, accreditation, "priority", taskmaster, or mechanical apathy.
I've been told that's just how life is, that we simply must live like this. That's not true. These people, good people, have been lied to, and they believed it. It's not just this way. It's been made this way, and the longer anybody slaves through any machine like a drone, the longer that machine perpetuates.
I've been in school far too long. By being here, I'm living my own personal hell. It's against policy for anybody here to give a damn.
UPDATE: Four hours after writing this, I feel I need to repent of my bitterness. I'm sorry I feel this way, and sorrier I decided to publish it.
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8 comments:
I wish I would have known you as you are now when I first transferred to byu from the U three years ago.
It feels odd and beside me for appreciating byu. Don't feel sorry for the way you feel about the zoo, just don't shoot anyone.
Austin, this post is an insight into your political nature. I think you must be a libertarian. I know you are a lot bigger than when you were three and I was 12, but I"m still your big sister so when you rant I will just give you a hug and tell you it will all be okay. You are loved.
p.s. I even like your line about repentance. Venting sometimes feels good afterwards, other times not so much. :)
And now I want to hear about your trip to California. Good?
I just realized I'm going to be here for another year and a half... if I manage to pass several VERY difficult semesters. Otherwise it'll be two and a half years. I feel your pain.
Well I'm glad you're feeling less bitter about your "educational" experiences. And I forgive you for calling me a drone. I really meant it the other day, you can learn a lot from your experience here, regardless of what the curiculm is. Maybe you should try focusing on those things. I'm your little sister but I'd still give you a hug and tell you you're loved too.
Yeah, I was ready to be done when I was getting close, and I didn't even do the whole 4 years. So I understand. (I still think you could talk your way out of some of the requirements.) Now it's fun to be back on campus and taking a class.
: /
Austin, We can talk whenever...
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