Day of a Thousand Posts

It's been a while, and there is quite a bit I want to say, but not all at once, and not in one place. So while it won't be exactly a thousand, there will be many posts coming.

Dissenting Opinion

One of the joys of blogging is the dialogue it promotes. A friend of mine at work maintains a consistently differing opinion than the average BYU student, and doesn't hesitate to tell it like he sees it. While we may hold views at variance, I appreciate his candor.

If you get bit, don't bother coming back.

I'm not sure you know this about me, but I dream more about zombies than the average person. It hasn't always been something I dreamt about. In fact, the first zombie movie I ever saw was Shaun of the Dead. Ever since then, the spectre of the undead has haunted my sleeping thoughts. It's not that bad, though, really. They can hardly be considered nightmares. I have much worse dreams about actual people.

Last night I dreamt that there was a zombie invasion, and a few friends and I were holed up in some empty house. The only one I can remember actually being there was Mandy Pratt, because she insisted on going out to get something. I didn't say it, but I was thinking, "If you get bit, don't bother coming back." Shortly after she left, a zombie woman came in the back door and walked into the kitchen where I was. I reached for a chair to take care of business. But then somehow, we got to talking, me and this zombie, and she tried to convince me that I was the zombie, not her.

Now that is just ridiculous, I thought. She wasn't convincing at all. Zombies aren't very smart. She didnt' have any argument, other than the simple accusation, "No, you're the zombie!" She did, however, have rotting flesh and a slow halting gait.

Silly zombie woman. Nobody is going to believe her.

continuing saga

Today, instead of rollerblades and a wheelchair, it was a shopping cart and a hog. Pulling out from work, I saw the homeless man who, everyday, wheels a shopping cart North on University (I have to assume he wheels it South at some point as well) filled with any number of odds and ends. But today he had a friend. Interesting considering I've heard he is incoherent. Today he had a man wheeling a chopper right along with him.
Wish I could have been privy to that conversation.

Vindicated

I talked previously about how bothered I was by The Bourne Ultimatum. I'm glad to see somebody with recognized expertise verifying some of my main arguments.

Not Every Day

Nobody else witnessed it, so you'll have to take my word, but I just saw a man in a straw hat and rollerblades pushing an empty wheelchair down the street past Smith's. Also, I saw a DeLorean today, driving down University. Also I sat in a million dollar car yesterday, But I'll tell you about that tomorrow. I'm tired right now.

You learn something new everyday.

I defer to the expertise of my dear friend, Roger.

Some Preliminary Pictures and Video

Before I even got any rest after my trip to L.A., some of the Workshop participants already posted about their experience there. Check it out.
I'm in the picture at Universal near the top of the page.

I'll post some pictures and video of my own when I get the chance. Until then, enjoy the SchoolTube post.

Postproduction Workshop

Sometimes it seems like most of the movie happens in post-production. When we were filming on the set, it was cool, but it wasn't movie magic. I was actually a little skeptical that it would come together. But then we heard about post-production.
We went to one of the schools that will be using our software and had our movies editor walk us all through the basics of editing. We were all watching on a projector as he put together a few sequences and showed us how it all should be organized. It was really informative, but I was so tired I fell asleep for a bit.
From there we went to the sound studios that created all the post productions sound on all the Bourne movies, all the Ridley Scott movies for the past ten years, and a lot of others. It's my understanding that it's the best. We talked to the sound supervisor there for a while, and she told us all about the business.
We went from there to the Universal Walkway. Everybody wanted to see the Bourne Ultimatum, especially after talking so much with the sound supervisor, But I've already seen it. I should have gone again, but instead just kinda walked around for too long. We got dinner at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Jamal and I were going to go bowling, but the lanes sold out right before we got there. I got a characature drawn for too much money, mostly out of boredom.
Then we went back to the hotel. I'm getting exceptionally sleepy, more so as the week progresses. I'm going to sleep when I get back to Utah.
And I'll give you the update on today...tomorrow.

The Final Shoot

Yesterday was our final day of shooting. We were filming some desert scenes outside L.A. in the hills. It was supposed to be Pakistan or Afghanistan. Close enough. I was all worried about getting sunburned or heatstroke, but turned out I wasn't even on the set for most of the hottest part of the day. I went with the art department girl to get some props from the Universal Studios prophouse. We drove in her car there, and it took a while. We talked, or rather, she talked most of the way there and back. We talked about movies, ISM, working for a startup, religion, families, moving, writing, and I'm sure a few other things I'm forgetting. Serious, we were driving for hours.
We pulled in the back of the studios. They checked to see that we were on the list of approved people. The prop-house was huge, a large building that from the outside would have looked like an office complex. But inside, they had everything imaginable. The floor I was on had every variety of furniture, from egyptian royal thrones, to victorian footstools, to psychologist couches, to the old dusty stained wooden foldout tables we were there to pick up.
We went back to our location in the hills, and shot some scenes of what was supposed to be an Afghani dinner and gambling joint. Somebody had built a set ther that looked like nondescript ruins from the outside, but the inside looked like...well...a nondescript old middle-eastern building. Cody, Jon, and Ben from ISM got to dress up as Terrorists. I was jealous, but there is no way I'd have been able to pull that off. Who ever heard of a blonde haired blue eyed Jihadist? Ben was actually very convincing in his garb.
Anyway, I'm beat, and I'll tell you about today tomorrow. Goodnight.

Groundbreaking

There was a 4.6 earthquake in L.A. two nights ago. Slept right through it.

The Snowstorm of L.A. August '07

Yesterday we were shooting our opening scenes to the movie. We're on a New York street side, with a newspaper stand, hurried pedestrians, and a headline for the ages. Our newspaper salesman was a big black guy who had a great deep voice. As soon as we were back at the hotel, I turned the TV on and there he was, a featured extra on Malcolm in the Middle. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I was working with the grips. I learned this: I don't ever want to be a grip. It's skilled manual labor, but manual labor all the same. Sandbags, C-stands, reflectors, dollies and tracks, all the "etc." equipment it seems, is what the grips handle. I can't believe there are people who are career grips. It's a beating on the body, requires training and expertise, and seems largely thankless. I can't imagine grips make a huge fortune. But I'm glad somebody does it, they need it. Just not the place I want to be.
We got to try our hands at acting yesterday, too. Our scene is a busy NY street, so we all played busy New Yorkers. The shots were mostly of our legs and feet (pretty hard to mess that up). We walked back and forth, back and forth, in front of the newsstand, wearing winter jackets. There's a good chance you'll see me in the finished product, but almost unrecognizably.
It was a shorter shoot, and the next location was in a small room, so no space for lots of teachers and students. Three students went to the second shoot of the day while the rest of us hit up the town. We walked down Hollywood Blvd., watched a street performer who was dancing and popping and pulling people out of the audience to dance with him. He pulled a me and a few other people from our group into dance with him. He wanted to show people what white boys dance like. It was a pretty good street performance, but I've seen better. In Europe.
Still can't believe I forgot my video camera. I'll show you all the still pictures when I get back.
Also, another thought. When we went to the shooting of the new Will Smith movie, we just got a glimpse of him across the street. I was thinking about the idea of being star-struck the whole day thereafter, but really started to think about it when Cheryl, who was the one that got us there to begin with, stuck around for a bit afterwards with her finance. I guess after we left, Will Smith came across the street, and took pictures with fans. She was so glad to report to us that she got to "touch his sleeve". It was a big deal I guess. I'm sure I would have said the same thing if I had been there. But it reminded me of a certain biblical passage. Just something to think about in your own analyzation of the "star-struck" phenomenon.

Dreams I never posted

-July 16ish, Dreamt that I was driving a truck, and I was going very fast, too fast, and I turned into a parking lot and fishtailed and hit the curb hard. I got out and looked at the tires and there were bulges where I had slammed the curb. I had pulled off University into the parking lot of Dr. Gary Morely, the podiatrist who operated on my left big toe two years ago.
-June 24, Dreamt that we were in the Middle East, and Dave Smith wore a uniform, like a Boy Scout uniform. He was playing ladder-ball, throwing the balls toward a wall seperating the Palestinians from the Isrealis, and there were people around us wearing different uniforms, of their respecive clans, and I was really worried Dave was going to accidentaly throw one of his balls over the wall (it wasn't very high) and inadvertently start a little war, gunfire, casualties and all.

Did I mention...

After we were done wrapping up yesterday, we went out to see the set of the movie Will Smith is shooting? It wasn't really planned, but one of the teachers here with us, Cheryl, her fiance's friend lives and works out here, and he called and said to bring the whole crew. So we went, and got dinner across the street from where he was shooting. We watched through the window, as Will Smith and Peter Berg the director we chatting. It's a movie tentatively titled John Hancock. I looked it up on IMDB, but get the feeling I'm just going to have to see it to understand it.
I guess I don't get all that starstruck, because I saw him and thought, "Yup, that's what he looks like. But some of our group couldn't stop gabbing and gawking. It was cool, but I was almost more inclined to watch the movie that was playing in the restaurant we were in. Something with Al Pacino, I couldn't figure out what it was.

P.A. - Also known as assistant to the assistant to the asistant to the assistant to the director!

Another long day, still shooting on the SS Lane Victory in San Pedro Harbor, where I guess they filmed some of the movie "The Thin Red Line". More interrogation scenes. We shot a couple others as well. A scene where our protagonist is almost told to get back onboard a ship in a Turkish harbor, till a friend of his comes to save the day by bribing the guard. On that scene, I was in charge of making sure the extras went in front of the camera at the right time. I'd turn the volume on my walkie down (everything is abbreviated, so no "talkie" on that), wait for the 1st A.D. To give me the signal, then tap the extras when it is their turn to go. I talked to them for a bit, the extras. One guy says he does extra work as much as he can, and if you can get a Union gig, it pays really well. He was supposed to carry a box in the scene though, and he was really, really careful about how he picked it up and put it down. Not that he was concerned about the box. Must have worried about his back. After a couple takes, it looked like he was struggling a bit, so I'd just pick up the box and hold it till he was supposed to go. Production work is grunt work.
Did I mention I worked in production yesterday? There are several different departments, and I imagine on a large production with a lot going on in the shots, there is a wide array of departments. Grip/electric, Hair/makeup, Camera, Props, Script Supervision, etc. It is productions job to make sure all the other departments can keep working. Production is the grease that makes the film machine run.
As an A.P. You're at the bottom of the pecking order. Anything that anybody needs, you go get. But if those instructions ever conflict with the 1st A.D., follow the 1st A.D. Our A.D. Seemed a little brusque, but I think that's part of the job. They want to keep things moving, so when people don't move on command, they let you know. But don't mistake the rigour for real rudeness. It's not. Just part of the job. Our A.D. Was good at what she did. She is from NYC and used to run a live theater there. It sat about 500 guests, but moved out here for one reason or another. She couldn't find too much work in stage theater, so got into film production.
Anyway, today we're shooting some street scenes in downtown L.A. I'll be working grip. I'll let you know how it goes.

Day One: Clapboard Boy!

I wrote a long entry about day one, but I think the old Sidekick II is giving up the ghost. I hit post, and it just went away, said I needed to be logged in. I was logged in, but so it went, and here I start again.
Yesterday was long. 12 hours on the set, not including an hour of travel both ways to and from the airport. Educational, that's what I'd call it.
I jokingly said all I want is to do is run the slate. You know, the clapboard, the one you hold open in front of the camera before each take, shut, and yell "marker". Well, appearantly somebody heard me, because I was manning the slate all day.
I learned a couple things. Believe it or not, there is some technique to it. Never put your fingers over the chevrons on the clapping part when you're closing it. Hold it visible, in the light and at the right distance. Don't close it till the cinematographer says so. Don't pull it out as you close; close, then pull. When marking the scene, like "5-A" or "5-B" on the slate, never call it "5-A" or "5-B". Call it "5-apple" or "5-barney". Don't ask me why they don't use the military alphabet. I suppose these artistic film maker types want to do things differently.
That's another thing I noticed. They practically have their own language. There is so much lingo, nobody has a title they actually use. The 1st assistant director is the 1st A.D., the Script Supervisor is the Scriptie, etc. You catch on pretty quick, though.
We were filming in the belly of this old ship, the SS Lane Victory, a veteran of WWII, Korean, and Vietnam Wars. It's now a museum, but is still a seaworthy vessel they take out a few times a year. It's an interrogation scene, with an ethnically ambiguous interrogator toking a huge stogie, and our American protagonist, refusing to comply with the enemy. I think it's all pretty cliche, not film making brilliance, but it will be a quality product in the end. Just wish we could have done it without the cigar, I don't think any of us were enjoying the smoke.
Long day, interesting crew. Rough around the edges, almost all of them. But, hey, welcome to L.A. The guy who has charge over the ship itself is a fellow named Chris. Chris doesn't wear shoes. Hasn't since '76. Honest. He has some strange footness going on that prevents shoes, but I have to wonder if he stopped wearing shoes and then got the foot problem, or vice versa like he says. Regardless, he walks toe-to-heel on his left foot. Very strange.
Tiring. Educational. I'll get back to you later on day two.

Living the Dream. I Hope.

Well, I'm in LA. Did I mention that I would be here? Maybe not. Regardless, the story goes like this. The company I work for does a summer workshop production for teachers to come to. These are mostly teachers who have used or will soon use our online film making course for their classroom. They get to work side by side with Hollywood professionals on the set of a movie, and get to try their hand at every stage of the process. And as a valued employee, so do I. Cool.
We flew out of SLC early, had a layover in Phoenix, where I got to see my brother who happened to be flying out of the same airport at the same time (!), and then flew in to Burbank. I'd hoped we might try to catch a sacrament meeting somewhere, but that didn't happen. Instead, we did the exact opposite, we went out to eat (please forgive me) at this BBQ joint. It was't that great, to be honest, I could have made that meal, and my mom could have blown it out of the water. You know it isn't that great when the grub at the mall food court smells better.
We walked around some shops for a while. The Ramada Inn driver Randy told us where would be the cool places to see. Just stores, so far, though. Nothing too special.
We came back to the hotel, and I watched a little TV, then took a nap, knowing that my co-workers would wake me up before our meeting at 8:00. They didn't, though. I slept soundly from 6:30 to 10:30, and from the sound of it I was hardly missed at the meeting. Hhmph.
Tomorrow we're going to be filming an interrogation scene in the belly of some war ship. I still don't know the actors names, even though that is a detail I've been asking them about for literally months, and we're filming in a matter of hours. I think they secured the lead role only a few days ago. Crazyness.
I better get some sleep, or I won't be much good as a production assistant tomorrow. Cross your fingers and wish me luck that I get a credit on IMDB.

New to You: Part 1, The Incredibles

I recently decided that not everything I put on my blog here needs to be newly written. I have lots of stuff that I've already written, drawn, filmed, etc., that the vast majority of my not-vast audience has never seen. I'll use some of that to augment my posting efforts. So, in line with my constant blogging on film, here is a paper I wrote for my Intro to Film class a couple years ago. I still like it.


The Incredibles
The Incredibles is one of Pixar's masterpieces. As an animated film, it has a natural appeal to children, but the film also deals with material that is very significant to a "grown-up" world. It shows the fantasy of super heroes, the embodiment of American idealism, the archetype of our moral sense, and then shows their deconstruction through a "value added" paradigm. By adding "value" to individuals simply so nobody feels left out, the new world of the supers negated excellence. Their society demanded homogeneity and called it "equality". We see in them that when good is taken for granted and mediocrity glorified, that good is well on its way to being rejected. This theme is exemplified through the editing, production design, and acting.

At the beginning of the film we see the main characters in a "talking-head" documentary style interview. This communicates to the audience the supers' status as subjects of the public eye. People know who they are. They are celebrities of sorts. They are not new, but are well established public figures, probably household names. The good they provide has been there for long enough that it is no longer novel. It is something that is being taken for granted. This fact, as we will see, is communicated several ways throughout the rest of the film, but the interviews at the beginning of the film help set the stage. We understand their place in their society enough to understand how they got to where they are during the rest of the film.

In a similar fashion, when the newsreel rolls, we see the transformation taking place. The illustrations of court proceedings, the headlines of newspapers, and the news footage all let the audience understand that the supers are no longer welcome among their neighbors. This mantagist editing technique is a powerful communicator. We see the theme unfolding. This is the beginning of their rejection. Comparing their society to our own, it is almost laughable to think that a people would demand crime fighters to cease and desist, to end their services and fall into the background. But however absurd this may seem, the same thing happens in modern America. Think about the recent headlines concerning displays of the Ten Commandments in public places.
Just as the supers embodied the ideals and moral good of their world, so the Ten Commandments represent the ideals and moral good of ours. This is just one example, though, of a theme that touches upon some of our most cherished values.

While nothing we see in the Incredibles exists in reality, almost all of the aspects of traditional production are still necessary, including production design. It is also interesting to note that the objects in an intangible computer animation are only slightly less real than the fake backdrops and fake props of some of our favorite films. They are representations that further communicate the theme to the audience. One of the best examples of this in The Incredibles is when Robert Parr (Mr. Incredible) is relegated to work as an insurance claims agent. His cubicle is one among scores of identical cubicles. They are small, drab and cramped. The only thing that sets his cubicle apart from the rest is the oversized pillar taking up already precious real estate in his workspace. There is obviously no special care taken to give him a larger cubicle (or even prevent him from getting the smallest one) because he is a larger man. His differences are not recognized; he is only supposed to fit in.

Everything in the office has a gray hue. There are very few well defined blacks and whites in the office. This is indicative of the theme in several ways. Just as the diegetic society of the Incredibles has rejected good and permitted evil to survive, so the office colors evade a clear distinction. This is all the perfect backdrop for the short scene where Robert Parr is supposed to deny an old woman her insurance claim. Mr. Incredible has, through no fault of his own, gone from protecting people from harm to denying them help after they have been harmed. Shortly after this scene, we see Robert called into his boss' office. The room is the same numb gray as the rest of the office. There is a charted line-graph on one of the walls that does not rise or fall, indicating no change over time. Again, homogeneity, sameness. There are four clocks behind the desk set to the exact same time. And the boss sharpens four pencils to the exact same length and lines them up exactly to the lines on his desk calendar. The obvious production design decisions here were for a reason. Everything is the same, and the philosophy is explained in the boss' speech to Bob. "A Company is like an enormous clock. It only works if all the cogs mesh together!" What he is failing to remember is that the company is also supposed to serve a purpose, in his case provide financial reimbursement to those who have undergone unforeseen expenses. No matter how well the clock is working, it doesn't do any good unless it helps people who need to know the time.

Another aspect of the production design is the overall retro feel to the Incredibles. The interior of their home and their manner of dress recall the 1950's, a time often thought of as "simpler". It is now seen as a golden era, when everything was in its right place. The black-and-white footage of public hearings in the newsreels also is reminiscent of the 50's. McCarthyism looked and sounded very similar. The ideas of a secret menace, secret identities, and questionable allegiances that threatened the common good apply to both situations, the one drawing inspiration from the other. Many of the scenes on Syndrome's island take their queues from the Sean Connery James Bond films of that same time period. And who was James Bond fighting in those films? The same Communism that Joseph McCarthy used to incite a modern witch hunt. The threat that faced the people in the Incredibles was the same that faced the people of that time. Yes, there was a real threat of foreign aggressors, as in James Bond, but the real menace was the enemy within the gates, the internal schism and deceiving philosophy, as in the McCarthy trials.

The "acting" in The Incredibles might seem a strange thing to consider, mostly because there are no real actors on camera. The vocal talent of several well known actors are employed, but they only contribute part of what results in convincing characters for an animated film. The character designers, the animators, and especially the writers all help create the "actors" in this kind of feature. They prove a convincing cast.

When Dash is coming home with his mother after being sent to the office at school, they have a discussion about him finding better outlets for his energy. "Maybe I could, if you'd let me go out for sports" is his reply. Helen Parr (Elastigirl) answers in her motherly and disciplining tone, "Dash, right now the world just wants us to fit in, and to fit in, we just gotta be like everybody else.”
"But Dad said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers make us special."
"Everybody’s special, Dash."
"Which is another way of saying nobody is." Homogeneity in the guise of "equality" claims another victim.
Dash has here caught on to the real meaning of the situation. He is not allowed to be special in deed, only in word, along with everybody else. If he were to perform anywhere near his full potential, that would reveal how truly special he was. It would have meant praise from some and resentment from others. It may even have meant physical attack from those that fear him as a threat. Those with power are almost always feared by those without, weather it is deserved or not. Syndrome later on in the film makes the same observation. "When I'm old and I've had my fun, I'll sell my inventions, so everyone can be superheroes, everyone can be super. And when everyone is super...no one will be." Syndrome exemplifies the confusion of good and evil, the graying of right and wrong. His idea of a Hero is someone who provides drama and theatricality, someone who is on top, no matter how they got there. The good the supers did isn't even recognized by Syndrome, he mistakes it for some kind of self-aggrandizement. Because the good the supers provide has been rejected, Syndrome has plotted to create an artificial need for them again and provide a counterfeit solution, himself.

The layers of meaning and appeal in The Incredibles are impressive. The expert use of film techniques results in a movie that can be enjoyed by young and old and just about any demographic in between. And aside from the entertainment value, the theme is important to note and learn from. Though we may not have super heroes and villains in our world, the prejudices and false assumptions that are portrayed play a real role in our life and society. May our culture not fall prey to the “Syndrome” of confused morals.

Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

Let me start by saying there is a good chance you'll disagree with me. Most of America will. I didn't really like it. Let me tell you why. In two words.

Too much.

The camera was too jerky. That is almost a given with this franchise. The Bourne Supremacy was the same way. I understand why they did it. It enhances the feeling of motion (action) and the sensation that you are "actually there". I understand some people like it. I don't. It feels contrived to me. It seems amateur, even. And the feeling like you're actually there? If I were there, my head isn't bobbing around most of the time, I can usually hold a pretty steady look at something. It's a cheap trick, and in my opinion, ineffective. It doesn't enhance the action for me, it obscures it.

The character of Jason Bourne is an interesting specimen. He is one of the bad gone good. But what good does he do? It seems like anybody who gets involved with him gets a bullet in the back of the head. The journalist gets shot in the head, because he was flighty as a sparrow. Bourne does save some people, though. Good for him. I was actually surprised at the number of survivors in Ultimatum. The body count is usually much higher. But don't worry, there is plenty of brutal, gritty, hand to hand killing. Plenty. More than I like to see, actually. Call me old fashioned.

I don't really like portrayals of the U.S. government that are full of the evilest villains. This whole series pretty much centers around a state sponsored ministry of murder. It's not called that of course, they have a variety of cool code-names. But that is what it is. I think showing things like that are untrue and a dis-service to the country. Even if there are unsavory organizations in the top tiers of America, constant media portrayals of it do not make the audience appalled at the evil, they condition them to it. It is expected. It even glorifies it, because from that, you get supermen like Jason Bourne, who can not be killed. I swear, you could shoot lead bullets in his face, and he would karate chop them.

It is action packed, though. And suspenseful. A lot of what you would hope for from a flick like this. Truth is, if you're a red blooded guy, you'll probably like it. I didn't.

In the end, I'm making a lot of what might be called pseudo-logical arguments, but when it comes down to it, what I'm saying is the result of an emotional response. I didn't like it because I didn't feel good about it. So I make up reasons why.

I think it would probably be fair to recognize that, if you liked it, you're running off an emotional response as well. You liked it because it was exhilarating.

I hope we can understand where the other is coming from, and respect that.

Free Show

Went to a free Concert in SLC last night. We went to see Peter, Bjorn, and John. If you're not familiar with their work, they're great. They're great even when you are familiar with their work. I didn't find out about the show till that morning when a friend called and asked if my roommates and I wanted to go. I also didn't find out till after the show that another band I liked had opened for them (we got there late). A lot of people from school were there, but concerts also lure out the freaks. Bjorn dedicated one of their songs to my friend Katie.

I danced. I had a good time.

Movies that, so far as I can tell, simulate an Acid Trip.

A Scanner Darkly
This movie was actually made to simulate the experience. The whole thing is rotoscoped, and done on a much grander scale than any other project I can think of. It centers around the near future where a new hallucinogenic drug has swept rampant over the US population. The novel it's based on was written by Philip K. Dick, a cult sci-fi figure who knew firsthand what a trip was like.
As an aside I tried to watch a "documentary" about him today. It was awful, any clever kid with a camera and a computer could have done a better job.
A Scanner Darkly was directed by Richard Linklater, made famous by none other than the quintessential drug movie, Dazed and Confused. This is territory one has to assume he is familiar with.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Anything Terry Gilliam directs is a little like a drug experience, but this one was also deliberate. Haven't seen it myself, but like A Scanner Darkly, the whole story hinges around drug use. May be the most effective example of "druggies-eye-view".

Spirited Away
I was talking to somebody when I was on my mission, and one of their kids was watching this in the background. I could not focus. Not for anything in the world. It was sooo bizarre, and I've seen more than my fair share of weird movies. I couldn't get over it. How is this conceived of, outside of mind altering chemicals? It probably makes more sense from a Japanese perspective, being familiar with the lore and all. But as an American kid, I pretty readily see drugs.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
I know it's a kids movie, but have you watched it since you were a kid? It is very strange. And exceptionally long. Bright colors and nonsense throughout. Did you know it was written by Roald Dahl? Think about James and the Giant Peach for a second. A little boy with a terrible life is offered by a stranger a sack of strange green crystals that will take his worries away? He then sees giant bugs and people in the clouds who paint rainbows? Same kind of thing with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. A land of candy and fun hidden in the industrial center of the city, managed by a mysterious and eccentric man, whose past we know little about. Not to mention the painted little men. And, if the candy and fun are the euphoria of drugs, the tunnel they float through must be a bad trip.
This is again probably something that has a lot to do with your perspective. But as a twenty first century college kid, again, I see drugs.

Alice in Wonderland
I had a friend freshman year who said that the original Lewis Carrol story was about mathematics and how counterintuitive the world of math could be at times. I'm not much of a mathematician, so I don't really see it. HOWEVER, I can see how the drug culture has latched on to this as one of their own. They wouldn't let us do an "Alice in Wonderland" themed float at my high school due to the potential drug overtones. Alice even ingests some strange stuff in the story, with strange results.
And, of course, I'm looking at this through the lens of a post drug culture kid. Hard not to see it when you're taught from a young age to avoid it.

With nothing consistent through them all.

I hate that this happened in America, though I don't know where else it could have happened.

This is funny, if you, like me, are a nerd.


What went wrong with the 70's?
Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Though I'm sure with the right examples, the same thing could be said of every decade since the inception of mass media.

And my suspicions about Michael Bay were confirmed today, when somebody I work with said that the guy is a constant joke in the film biz. All he cares about in his movies are the cars, the explosions, and the women. He's even been accused of murder, in that he demanded a stunt in a commercial he directed that the stunt coordinator initially refused, then caved. He was told that the stunt was too dangerous, he did it anyway, a chopper went down and killed the copilot.
I don't want to be that guy, even if I get all the money in Hollywood.

A Tribute

This must be something that is becoming more common. I'm seeing more and more bands that pay tribute to, not other, older bands, but other pop-culture references. Example.

Pam Pong: Compliments of Rogeber
This post was originally just a link to Rogeber's post, till I decided this was not an isolated incident, and that the matter deserved further investigation.

Cho Chang, What Have I Done: Compliments of Emily
Emily is the one who originally got me into blogging, and now look where I am. Writing on four blogs, that's where. I think we all owe her big time for that.

Return of the Jedi Braid: Compliments of Mere
Mere, are you a part of this emerging force of Tribute (not to a band) bands? You know you're on the cusp, right, the bleeding edge of the new thing?

New Rave

I can't stop listening to some music Dave Smith knew I'd love.

D.A.N.C.E by Justice is perfectly addictive (though the video is a bit....shall we say...risque). They dedicated the song to one of their favorite artists, Michael Jackson, presumably while he was still black.

Also, Crystal Castles really makes me feel like I'm dreaming, like I fell asleep watching "The NeverEnding Story" or playing Atari.
My favorites: Magic Spells and Air War.

Review(s): In Theaters Everywhere

I see a lot of movies. Probably too many. Here are a few I've seen lately.

Transformers: See previous entry.

Take: Ultimately, though it had a redemptive message, and was very well made, it was too little, too late, to bring you back from the cold, dark place that film put you in.

Live Free or Die Hard: Quit possibly the BEST action flick of all time.

That's just in the last week. I've also seen...

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End: Potentially the most WORTHLESS movie of all time. Okay, I exaggerate, but an enormous production value can't make up for awful story telling. They are just desperately trying to tie up all the loose ends from the second one (also worthless).

Paris, Je T’Aime: Not mainstream, and that's because it's daring enough to break the conventional mold of what a movie should be. And you know what? It pulls it off superbly. Excellent movie.

Spiderman III: Over the top, even more than the first couple. The romance angle of the story was overplayed, I just didn't care after a while. And Peter Parker, when he bonds with the symbiote and becomes "Bad Spiderman", he mostly just becomes an emo kid. It's funny, but then it just keeps happening, and a joke overplayed is a joke nobody wants to hear anymore.

Ocean's Thirteen: It was great. Read an article where they said it was the movie they should have made last time (instead of Ocean's Twelve). I really liked Ocean's Twelve, but hey, it wasn't my movie. Thirteen takes a different angle on a couple things, in that in the first one, you don't really know how they pulled off the heist till after the thing is done, putting the viewer in the seat of an outsider, i.e. not part of the gang. You're just an admirer in fairly close proximity. Twelve was even more that way, but it was less noticeable because they were just having so much fun, that whole crew messing around in Europe. Thirteen, however, let's you in on the secret. It plays out pretty much like you're expecting. Not a lot of curve-balls. But people go see these movies for their unparalleled style, and this one isn't lacking one bit in that department.
P.S. My roommates and I dressed up for the premier.



Movies I still want to see this summer:
Rescue Dawn: Werner Herzog is nuts, and always delivers something interesting. This is a dramatization of a story he's already covered.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Always fun movies, and I've read the books up to this one.
The Simpsons Movie: This had better be funny.
The Flying Scotsman: Not going to be anything groundbreaking, but it looks good.
Ratatouille: I always love Pixar movies, they're everything a family film should be.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: I don't even expect this to be good, but I'll probably see it anyway. Don't ask why.
Eagle vs. Shark: Stars one of the guys from Flight of the Conchords, an HYSTERICAL duo out of New Zealand.
1408: Some sick part of me wants to see this psychological thriller. I'm sure it's terrifying, and I don't know why I want to see it.
Bourne Ultimatum: I don't even really want to see this, I didn't like the first two. I know this is exactly what they are going for, but I feel like they are too gritty, they are too realistic. I can't root for an assassin, especially if he is believable. Even a reluctant one. But all my friends will see it, and I'll probably come along.
Stardust: Don't know anything about it, but it looks like fun.
Hot Rod: Andy Samberg is an HYSTERICAL man.
Hot Fuzz: I do and don't want to see this. Shawn of the Dead (cleanflicked) was one of the funniest and best written movies I've ever seen. However, this one is supposed to be even gorier than the zombie movie. Wow. I can't make any guarantees here, people.

Transformers: A Review

Went and saw Transformers last night. Here is what I thought.

I was excited to see the movie, I'd heard nothing but positive reviews from everybody I'd talked to. It was a thing of nostalgia from my youth, so I figured this should be fun.

It started off well enough. The characters were introduced well, the main character especially so. Our protagonist is an average teenager, ogling the school beauty, dreaming of his first car, trying to manage his life under the constraints of his parents. So far, we're pretty grounded in reality. That is, before the introduction of the Giant Space Alien Robots.

From that point on, the fundamental premise of the story is so far out, I think Michael Bay just abandoned any real attempt to suspend your disbelief. In every regard.

There is a scene where the heroine, Mikaela Banes (played by Megan Fox {fitting name}) asks the main character if he thinks she is shallow. He says no. I say shallow doesn't really describe it. More like two-dimensional (which is okay, because if he is that in to her, then he must be too). I say this because she is just as difficult to believe as the Giant Space Alien Robots. There are as many shots of her perfect stomach as her inexpressive face, and she is supposed to be this bad girl with a perfect knowledge of mechanical inner workings of high end hot rods. Nobody like this exists in reality. There is no human female like that on earth. So far as performance is concerned, they could have gotten a blow up doll to fill the role nicely. But it wouldn't have had the perfect stomach.

In addition to the male teenage dream played out on screen, the racial stereotypes are pretty glaring. There is a black kid in it whose only purpose I can see is to pull in the (now defunct) UPN crowd. He doesn't really do anything special in the movie other than act as the minstrelshow's main attraction. There is even an Autobot named "Jazz" who is clearly the Black Transformer. That must have been a popular motif of 80's cartoons.

I couldn't get over how perfectly choreographed this movie was made to make money. It was a product placement dream. Some of the primary characters in the film are automobiles, for crying out loud. Everything was branded. The characters were, all of them, caricatures. The awkward backward hero as the proxy of every awkward backward kid lacking in heroism, the unbelievably alluring female thing, the red-blooded soldier unafraid of anything, the Secretary of State in his unquestioned authority, the secret government agency, and, of course, the Giant Space Alien Robots, come to conquer/defend the world (depending on which one we're talking about). None of the characters you really care about die (people don't like dying).

It's my understanding that Michael Bay recycled footage for the movie. He even used some of the same camera tricks as he did in Bad Boys.

The whole thing was absurdly over the top, with non-stop action, the world ultimately saved, the guy getting the girl, and we are left with the likelihood of a sequel.

Now, with all the criticism in mind, I have to admit something. It was fun. I enjoyed it. True, sometimes I was enjoying how ludicrous it was, but i enjoyed it all the same.

So don't expect storytelling magic. This isn't an M. Night Shyamalan flick with some deeper meaning (despite the vague attempt to make Optimus Prime a Messianic figure) or any twist ending. It all plays out exactly as you might expect. So even though you know exactly where you're going, sit back and enjoy the ride.

P.S. What do modern auteur's think of somebody like Michael Bay, whose every film follows the proven formula for financial success as to make him more a businessman than a director? Is he the Thomas Kinkaid of the popular film world?

AN-GRYYYY.

Long story short, I took Meredith's advice and decided to join the blogging ranks, and wrote an epic, heavily linked, well thought out blog entry. It took me several hours. But at some point during this, a roommate of mine used my computer to sign into his gmail, thusly signing me out of mine. He did this with my stupid permission. So, oblivious to the course of action that I'd set into play, I continued to blog on a window that was still open but not logged in. And after the hours were through, and I hit the "publish button, it disappeared forever.
How did I feel?
A lot, lot angrier than I have been in a long time.

Teaspoon Slide Guitar Master

That is all.

The Shins

This is a band called The Shins.
I like this one.

Some items that live up to this blog's subtitle.

In no particular order:

I like LCD Soundsystem. P.S. The destination at the end of that link, that is what Myspace should have been.

listening to the radio the other day, I realized that, given the option, I think I would listen to Cindy Lauper over Metallica a thousand to one.

I stumbled on the set of an Indie movie the other day. It was really cool, I walked into Pier 49 Pizza to get some lunch, and there were a bunch of people shooting a movie. They stopped and let me order a pizza. It is a comedy about a washed up rock band that decide to drive to the middle of the desert and sell their souls to the devil so they can become the greatest band ever.

It's called Route 61.







I am going to make movies some day. Actually, I'll be helping on the set of our ISM feature this summer, the first two weeks in August. But beside that, I have a thousand ideas for stories that I want to write, it's just a matter of making the time. I keep them all in a red binder at home, along with almost any idea or thought I think is too valuable to let dissipate into the ether.

I did something the other morning that I haven't done in years. I fell out of bed. That becomes a little something more to think about when you find out my bed is 5 feet off the ground on cinder blocks.

They asked me to sub in today as the Daily News anchor. I normally do Fridays, and have been for a few weeks now, but yesterday they called and asked if I could come in and cover for somebody, so I did, and they asked me to come in again today. I wish I could have, I really like anchoring, but I felt bad leaving work early again. So I told them I wouldn't be able to make it. But man, they love me there.

Yawns, as I'm sure you already know, are contagious. I caught a yawn the other day from a duck. I swear.

Whenever I am caught listening to somebody drone on about something that doesn't interest me in the least, but they just keep talking and talking and talking, I get a physical sensation at the back of my head. It's a tingling feeling, as real as if I had stubbed a toe or put my hand in ice water. A tingling around the crown of my head that persists till I escape the mindless monologue.

I decided today that I am going to have to be independently wealthy if I am going to accomplish half the things I want to in life. I have expensive goals.

More random thoughts to come. Stay tuned.

among other things

So I haven't blogged on here in a bit. A few updates are in order.
I got a new job. A friend of mine set me up with a company called Independent Student Media. I can't post links when I blog from my phone, so just google it. We have a film-making curriculum we offer to high schools and middle schools across the country. It's all web based, with screenwriting software, storyboarder, tutorials, interviews with industry professionals, message board, screening room, scheduler, and gradebook for the teachers. It's really really cool, everything you need to organize a movie, besides editing software and camera.
They gave me an office. I don't rightly know what possesed them to do that. I'm going to primarily be compiling information for them and conducting website walkthroughs of our site. I'll be at my computer, and superintendent, schoolboard members, and/or teachers at theirs, wherever they are in the country, and I'll have control over what's on their screen. We'll be on conference call, so they can just ask questions, and I'll tailor the tour for their needs. Neat, huh?
It's a small company. They've been developing the curriculum and software for seven years, but just recently got real investors. So these guys are expecting me to stick around for a while, because as the company grows, I'll remain near the top of the heirarchy.
We also make movies. This summer we're shooting a flick with John Heder, and possibly Bruce Willis or Christopher Walken. Believe it. It's an action comedy.
It pays well, my new job. And I think I can expect rapid promotions. I'm gonns' be a rich movie maker in just a few years, you wait and see.

Item 2: If I haven't mentioned it yet, I've moved. I have a big personal room, small walk in closet, and a huge backyard. It's a house my room-mate Dave Peterson's parents bought, and we're pretty well at liberty to make any home improvements we'd like. It's nice. We'll see about the ward.

Update 3: I'm anchoring the Friday edition of the BYU Daily News. I've done it twice now, and I like it. I got the spot when one day I walked into the Newsroom to do my reporting, and they were auditioning for anchors. Everybody was pacing around, rehersing their lines, and one of the girls in there asked if I was going to try out. "I wasn't planning on it."
"But you'll be here over spring and summer?"
"Ya."
"Then you should try out." So I did.
I wasn't wearing a tie, had my spiderman shirt and Buddy Holly glasses on, but they said, ok, go sit down and line up with the camera, and read your lines. I didn't have any time to read over the script, so I just went into it cold. And did great. Man I'm good.

Item 4: I'm on my way to a concert in SLC. The Hot Hot Heat is playing, and they're lots'o'fun. Those guys know how to rock.

There is probably more to tell, always is. But I'll post that next time, maybe when I get around to fixing my computer. I've been too busy lately fixing Dad's. I installed more RAM from my old laptop, streamlined windows, and did a whole bunch of tweaks to make it run lightning fast. What was before an unusable computer is now a portable speed demon. Also, I set up Dad's cellphone as a modem for him to access the internet from anywhere he has cellphone service. Now I need to build a desktop for Mom. And fix Mine. They've unofficially put me as the last defense at work before they call the actual tech suport guys.
Anyway, I'm rambling, and we're at the Venue for the concert, so I'll talk to you later.
Best regards,
Austin

few and far between

If it seems like my posts have been sparce as of late, it is because my computer got tetnis. Not actual tetnis, mind you, but that's what I'm calling the problem, seeing as it was brought on by a seemingly minor issue that ultimately resulted in the death of the victim. I'm going to try to revive the device tomorrow, but this may take some time and research. More to follow soon, wish me luck.

P.S. If you see a post on here that is all text, with no bells or whistles, that means I posted it from my phone. Ya, I can do that.

Redirection.

I would like to show you all a little post my roommmate made recently. Not the most flattering pictures of me ever, but eh, I like the attention.

Some of my favorite commercials:

Most of these are rather old. Oh well, they're still good.

Found this one a couple weeks ago. Why can't all commercials be so good?

Or if you'd rather see the quicktime mov.

This one is now a classic, not new, but still amazing.

And the quicktime link.

Simultaneously poignant and hysterical, a difficult combination.

quicktime.

I love everything in this video. All elements.
The Original.


The Extended

The software used.
The Offical Site with sequel ad and downloads.
The VFX Company that did it.

I ♥ good music videos.

My newest favorite song and video.
¿And you know what?
It is pretty hip.
Guster - "Satellite"



And if you're interested, the making of video:



Actually, all of this directors videos are pretty good. I might have to learn more about this character.

Inadequate

I was looking at my friend Meredith's blog, and I realized something. I'm not very good at this blogging thing. I looked at a bunch of her friends' blogs, and they are just better looking, with more and more interesting content, and better looking. I'm going to have to work on that. I am compelled to improve.
On a related note, I have a confession to make. My sister-in-law called me "very in-the-know", but I am sad to report that is just not true. I've thought at times it was, but I am constantly reminded about how much I don't know, and how hip I'm not. Not that I'm sure I want to expend the effort to be so hip, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind, and a passing sigh my exits my mouth.

P.S. That wasn't a plea for encouragement and "Hey, buck up lil' camper, your just as hip as Danny Zuko, you're the BEE's KNEES!" So don't. But thanks, though. Honest.

Commencement III

Part tré.
Alternative commencement was interesting. I don't know what I expected, maybe I was a bit bright eyed, idealistic. Eric Bybee spoke first, one of the so called "BYU 25" as I'm sure they would like to be known. Nader suggested that title, but more on him later. Then Ash Sanders spoke, the ringleader of the local counterculter. She was obviously passionate about her topic, and had a well crafted speech, but I can't say I am with her on everything she said. Pete Ashdown spoke next. I felt like his speech was a little loaded, quoting scripture and patriotic lines. Say what you think, then tie it to the Sermon on the Mount. A technique I think is a little...I don't know...cheap? Thats an ugly thing to say, it wasn't a bad speech, but it wasn't my favorite either. The Executive Director Emeritus of Amnesty International, Jack Healy spoke. Maybe I'm just cold blooded, but I didn't feel inspired by his remarks either. I don't want to go out and change the world out of guilt, I want to be moved to action by some nobler emotion. His words on the sad state of human rights throughout the world only left me sad and upset.
Then the big attraction, Ralph Nader.
Well, LET ME TELL YOU.
The man was...welll... boring. Again, uninspiring. He made a slow start, but when he got into his swing, he was just all over the place. He shotgunned a plethora of issues: socialized medicine, the electoral college, gluttonous CEOs, campaign finance, corporate sway in the legislature. He mentioned some legitimate problems, I have to confess.
But his "solutions" were far from. He neglected that, while the existing structure has its pitfalls, so will the replacement he offers. I felt like every remedy he proposed was just as fraught with logistical and ethical problems, and just as prone to abuse if not more. For the most part, he was proposing a much more socialized system, mandating utopia, a blessed land where Big Brother will take care of you. I'll pass.
So in the end, while I agreed with the fundamental idea behind the alternative commencement, I felt like the realization of it was a disappointment. What can I say...I'm a pretty traditional conservative.

Commencement Part II

Well, whoever wrote Dick Cheney's speech deserves their pay. He did an excelent job. My roommate's dad pointed out that he hit all the right points for the audience. He mentioned specific places on campus, by their nickname. He talked about his wife's Mormon Pioneer heritage. He praised the University for their sports triumphs, the "stone cold sober" status, and called BYU one of the best universities in the country.
Not a speck of controvery to speak of. Good.
Now on to part deux, the BYU Alternative Commencement, featuring Ralph Nader.
There certainly aren't as many people here as there were at the Official commencement. As it stands right now, there are hundreds of people here in the McKay Events Center at UVSC, as opposed to the probably 10,000 people at the Marriott Center earlier today. The dress is not as formal, the hair is generally longer, and there appear to be more glasses in the audience.
I'm biding my time till the event starts. From what I was told, it should have started 15 minutes ago. But it looks like it will begin soon. More later.

Commencement

I'm not graduating, but I have several friends who are. So here I am in the Marriott Center, awaiting the proceedings. The headline this year, as you've probably already heard, is one Richard Bruce Cheney, or Dick as most folks call him. Our country's Vice President. I honestly don't feel like I know enough about the man, so it will be good to hear him speak, whatever the remarks are.
Another note you've probably already heard is the backlash. The small but vocal BYU counterculture has not taken V.P. Cheney's presence here lightly. They object to what they would say is a warmongering and unreasonable man being welcomed to the Lord's university. For those in the LDS community who do not support the current presidency, it must seem an upsetting sight, the man you feel responsible for the death of thousands of Americans, not to mention the tens of thousands of Iraqis, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with a man they sustain as a prophet, seer, and revelator. But so it goes, those with power discusing their often overlapping stewardships.
In addition to getting plain ol' MAD, however, the counterculture has done something significant. I don' know who's idea it was first, but somehow the idea was circulated to get Ralph Nader to come speak as an alternative to the conventional commencement. They needed to raise thousands of dollars to get him here, though, and it seemed a long shot.
Never underestimate grassroots could be the lesson from this, though, because just a couple days ago, a local documentarian covering the movement posted some remarks on a very popular blog. He included a link to the site for donations, hoping a few would notice and contribute.
Within hours, thousands of dollars were pouring in. They far exceede their needed funds.
Anyway, I'l post more later. My ol' Homeboy, President Cecil Samuelson is speaking, followed by Vice President Dick Cheney.
P.S. Church President Gordon B Hinkley is also here, as well as Richard G. Scott and David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the 12.

Done Bowling.

Well, after me raving about our bowling league for so long, I have an
update. First, we won, #1 in the league. I'm not celebrating though,
because it feels like a false victory. I'm not that good, and I honestly
don't know how we won. It just wasn't that competitive, appearantly. And
update the second: I have a bowling injury. Ya, believe it. I noticed
toward the end of our tournament that my hand was hurting, but thought
it was just sore. But I went bowling again a couple nights ago, and it
hurt. Bad. Like I'd hit it with a hammer. That's what I get from bad
bowling form, a stress injury on the base segment of the ring finger.

The Local Rap Scene

I'm not a connoisseur of rap. I don't really listen to the stuff. But I am told it’s a rare thing when rap is really great. On the other side, it’s my personal opinion that it’s often nothing to scream about, and frequently just plain bad. And I don't just mean moral content, though NWA isn't really known for their uplifting melodies. No, I mean quality, people, QUALITY! Severely lacking in especially the local scene.

A Disclaimer: This might get a little personal.

Case in point. How does this happen?
Watch the second video down, a personal favorite.
I can't tell, is he kidding? Seriously, is he? Explore the site, I don't think it’s a joke, and if it is, it’s expansive.

Also, another local I've encountered. In his defense, I believe he is actually handicapped, no joke. 'Nuf said.

This next one, though, is a treat. Better quality, and done mostly (about %87) as a joke. D-licious is a friend of mine, one I've mentioned before on here. He's the second guy rapping.

But maybe there is a market for this kind of stuff. VH1 had a whole show dedicated to it. Then again, VH1 isn't winning many Emmys.

And now I'm rambling. Sorry. I'm done.

Apple Beer Spots

Rogeber and I just did a few ads for a local beverage company. WANNA HEAR?

The Same Song

An Observation:

I know its old news, but I heard a report that the Red Hot Chili Peppers' newest single,"Danny California", is actually plagiarism (or what Francois Truffaut would call "homage").

Also, every Nickelback song is the same song.

It was pointed out to me today by my roommate Dave Smith that two songs that I like very much are actually the same song. I checked. He was right.

Download the file after you click on the link. Its a recording of me giving an intro to a CSS/Spoon Mashup. You will hear how EXACTLY the same they are. I had to speed up the Spoon song some, but still. The bass line, man, the bass line is the same same same thing in both.

Bowling

Oh, by the way, we're not good at bowling. I'm not anyway. Turns out when we actually have competitors, we lose. Ya, who knew. Oh, and contrary to what I thought, I am not improving. I actually bowled what my have been the worst three games of my life last week. HA!

Just took a nap, just had a dream.

I dreamt that I was at some sort of medical clinic, and I mentioned that I was hungry, and they said they were about to open up the cafeteria. I went to some counter to pay for a dinner there, and started talking to the girl behind said counter. I gave her my ID for some reason, and she said I was two years late, that she had lived at the Enclave two years ago and I live there now (I don't live there in reality, just weird dreams).

But then I woke up.

So lets recap, in my dream I was talking to a girl and about to have dinner, then I woke up hungry by myself in my cold living room.

I'm going back to sleep.

Hard Lessons

You're going to think less of me after reading this post. You should.

I'll be honest. This semester has pretty much...well...I'll understate it and just say it hasn't been much fun. I usually get feeling behind about halfway through the semester. This time I started feeling that way the second week. And school is really only part of it, though I am fairly confident I'm just going to do very badly in some of my classes, no getting around it at this point.

And I never have time to go to work.

But the rest of the lousyness is people. I like most of my roommates, most of the time. Some of them I'll be friends with for life. But not all of them. One of them is just a fat slob, no other words for it. And another roommate is certifiably the most creepy person I've ever met. Honestly. And I feel like usually the better you get to know somebody, the more human they become. Not the case here. The more I get to know him, the less I like him, the less I understand him. He doesn't like light (like physical light in a room). He sneaks up on you. He is constantly rude, but only subtly so. He has a morbid sense of humor, all of his jokes involve death or mutilation, and they are poorly delivered. He is 27 and about as ambitionless and pathetic a person as I can imagine. One of our other roommates described him most succinctly when he called him "Smeagol-y". Truer words were never spoken. And theres this pretty girl who comes over here, and likes him. Ya, like in a romantic sense. I know, theres no accounting for taste. And he doesn't just up and marry her (somebody should really clue him in that he is never...NEVER going to do better). I can...not...wait to NOT live under the same roof as him. People don't like to come over here because of him. He is always insulting. The only time I've ever Not Disliked him (note the double negative) is when he isn't talking, and thats not often. No matter what the subject is, he's an expert. And if he overhears you in the next room (ya, you better believe he's listening to you through the walls) he'll sneak in and mumble "Did I hear....something about...Nietzsche...in here?"

LISTEN, CHRIS, YOU ARE THE CREEPIEST, MOST SELFISH, REPULSIVE FREAK I'VE EVER MET! EITHER COME INTO THE ROOM AND JOIN THE CONVERSATION, OR GO BACK TO YOUR DANK INFESTED HOVEL!

And my other roommate. I don't get him either. He will freak out every couple weeks about clutter in the front room, really bad. Like he just gets stressed/mad/sad all of the sudden, while the rest of the time he is just as much a contributor to the mild clutter. However, he is a Prime contributor to the Extreme mess that perpetually grows in the kitchen. And I can honestly, with no qualms, whatsoever, say that none of that is mine. First of all, it makes me a little sick to the stomach to eat anything that came out of that kitchen. And Second, if I ever use anything out of that kitchen, I clean it before AND after I use it. Thats because some people don't seem to believe in basic sanitation habits, i.e. soap, light, cleaning up after spilling sauce, cheese, crumbs, noodles, etc., rinsing dishes after use, instead of piling them up in the kitchen for literally weeks, collecting actual mold. I, at this moment, can't think of anybody in the house who really cleans up after themselves in the kitchen, in a timely manner, a majority of the time (besides me).

But I digress. This roommate, he gets mad, or more exactly, he gets whiney. He whines all the time, but it just gets incessant when he get upset.

But I don't say anything about it. It doesn't affect me, just let it slide.

Oh, and he won't buy a computer, but will sink money into his car or a guitar or whatever else. He'll just use his roommates computers. Well, thats fine, I've got one, I don't use it all the time, he can use my computer.
-Note: I've since realized that he will ask me to use my computer while I am clearly on it doing something. Sarcastic thought>"No dude, thats cool, I'm sure whatever you needed to do on my computer is more important than what I had."

I let him use my guitar for half the semester for a guitar class he signed up for (having a guitar is required for the class). Thats fine, I don't play mine really, and thats a great class, everybody should take Larry Greens guitar class. So I let him borrow it.

But this roommate, he recently got sick, and I very quickly noticed that he wouldn't...EVER...cover his mouth when he coughed. Don't they teach that to kids from like kindergarten to sophomore year of college? And then they stop bringing it up 'cause they expect you to have it ingrained in you whole being? That if both your arms were amputated clean off, you would raise the nubs up just a little when you went to cough, out of sheer habit? EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, IT PREVENTS THE SPREADING OF DISEASE, WELCOME TO THE ENLIGHTENED FIRST WORLD!

But this kid didn't. Doesn't for that matter, because I brought it up to him, and he just shrugged it off. I brought it up again, and he said he had some chronic pneumonia, that there was fluid in his lungs and there was no way for him to spread this to anybody else. I guess I should trust him, hes going to med-school in three months.

But hey, guess what? Pneumonia is an infection, and I've had a cough for the past week that sounds A WHOLE LOT LIKE HIS! One day when it was really bad and I couldn't stop hacking (burying my mouth in the crook of my elbow every time) I said "This is your fault you know. I caught this from you." He denied all allegations and wouldn't even lend any legitimacy to my claims. The whole thing was comical to him.

So I asked him to please cover his mouth when he coughed. And I asked him to make sure to please clean his dishes when hes done with his meals. I find these things to be common sense. Or at least they should be.

Today he was at my computer eating a brownie. I'll let it slide, even though he'll probably get brownie in the keyboard. Its not a big deal.

However, when he licked his fingers, and then proceeded with his business on my computer THAT was a big deal.

I usually have hand sanitizer at my computer. Not that anybody else uses it, but it makes me feel better regardless. But it wasn't there. Somebody had used it, turns out, and it was on the other side of the room. I quickly grabbed and and put it down next to the keyboard.

"Could you please use some hand sanitizer if you're going to lick you fingers while using my computer?"

Then he did that thing he does. He got all pouty, like a 7 year old girl who doesn't get her way. He got up and whimpered off to his room, like I had been some playground bully. Maybe I should feel bad. Maybe I should go apologize.

BUT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT PATIENT. AND FORGIVING. AND THAT HE WOULD GET OFFENDED, NAY, HURT, THAT I WOULD ASK HIM TO NOT SLOP HIS BROWNIE-SALIVA FINGERS ON MY COMPUTER, THAT HE WOULD ACT HARMED AT THAT INFURIATES ME.

THAT MAKES ME THAT BAD GUY. THAT MEANS I'M THE JERK. I'VE DONE EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO BE NICE, AND WHEN NONE OF THAT WORKS, I KINDA LOSE MY WILL TO TRY. IT WOULD BE A HECK OF A LOT EASIER TO GO WITH THE MEAN-SON-OF-A-GUN BIT AND JUST BE THAT JERK.

I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR HIM. I WANT TO KICK HIM IN THE GUT TILL HE STOPS CRYING. CRYING. I WANT TO SCREAM IN HIS FACE AND TELL HIM TO BE A FREAKIN' ADULT MAN. I ASKED HIM TO DO A COUPLE SIMPLE THINGS, I ASKED HIM TO SHOW SOME COURTESY, AND HE IS HURT, AND I'M AN ASS.

The hard lesson here is that he is hurt, and I am an ass. I need to go apologize, not because I'm wrong, but because thats what would help the situation the most. Thats what would make things right. Not everything, mind you. I'm sure he'll continue to spread disease like a terrorist with a micro-bio degree. I'm sure he'll continue to foster his mold farm in our kitchen sink. But at least we'll be able to sit in the same dirty room together.

P.S. It doesn't make it any easier to apologize when the person your apologizing to starts lecturing you on what you've been doing wrong before you're done apologizing.

Literally

I'm not one of those people who are really nit-picky about language, I'm not, really. If you've read any of this blog, you must realize I'm not a stickler for grammar, punctuation, or even spelling. But there is one thing that really bugs me when people us it wrong. When people say "literally" to add emphasis, that just doesn't make sense. Example.

"I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally."

or maybe...

"Food for thought…literally "

Really, doing that with a smiley face just makes you sound like an idiot. Both of these are examples pulled from things I have read recently online. It just doesn't do what they want it to (unless they are hoping to sound stupid). English is versatile, malleable even, but not this. Don't mutilate the language like that, please.
HONESTLY, IF THEY WOULD JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE SAYING FOR JUST ONE SECOND, THEY MIGHT REALIZE IT IS NONSENSE!

With that out of the way, you may all now feel free to mock me for my own minor imperfections just as I've condemned a group of people for theirs.

DEFEAT!

We lost our game on Thursday. Dave S. got there late, he had to take a test that took longer than expected. Ben was half an hour late, he had to tend to some emotional issues a close friend was having. We were playing the number one team, Kumbaya. It was a dark day for Steve's Intermountain (thats our team name, we got matching shirts at DI). But still fun.

VICTORY 2!

We Won Again!


Because our opponents didn't show up.


Sweet.